


PTSD

by Potato_Soop_Leo



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28610055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potato_Soop_Leo/pseuds/Potato_Soop_Leo
Summary: A short story about Alfred, a young man who decides its time to take his relationship to the next level. But it turns out that was a horrible mistake.
Relationships: America/Germany (Hetalia), America/Russia (Hetalia)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27
Collections: My one shots





	PTSD

“I don’t know if I’m ready…” the American man said quietly to himself. Alfred Jones was standing in his bathroom, only in his boxers and a white T-shirt that obviously wasn’t his, it was far too big on him. But he didn’t know what to do right now. His hands gripped tightly onto the sides of the sink as he took a few deep breaths. How would he know when he was ready? What was it like to be ready? Did he just not know the signs? Was he actually completely ready but being a chicken? No.. he was afraid. What if there was an issue? What if this ruined their relationship? He couldn’t have that! It made us heart hurt that he was standing here contemplating the biggest moment in his relationship. 

Alfred let go of the sink and straightened his back, glaring at himself in the mirror. “No.. I can do this!” He assured himself. Alfred took off his glasses and set them on the sink, then ran a hand through his hair. He slowly left the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. “Vanya.. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for too long…” Alfred muttered, walking over to his bed. The much larger Russian man, Ivan Braginsky, was sitting there in much less clothing than Alfred. Nothing in fact. But he just smiled and shook his head as he gently grabbed Alfred’s hips, pulling him closer. 

“No, no.. just thinking of you drives me wild…” Ivan joked, placing a few kisses on Alfred’s jawbone. Of course this turned into rough kisses on the mouths, the both of them being quite harsh with each other. The thing is, Alfred and Ivan had never gotten passed this point. It always stopped at the aggressive make out session. But not tonight. No Alfred wasn’t afraid anymore. He was going to do this. He was going to be proud of himself. 

Alfred had been in love with Ivan for years. Since they were in high school with each other. But it wasn’t until five months ago that Ivan told Alfred he felt strongly towards him. Alfred had been so amazed, he immediately took the opportunity to take Ivan out on a date. And then another. And another. Until they were for real daring, and their families and their friends knew. And they were all so happy for them. But Alfred hadn’t taken the time to really get to know Ivan as more than a friend. He had always seen Ivan in a “man I wish I could bone him” sort of way, but now that they were dating, he seemed to realise more and more that he knew hardly anything about Ivan. And that would inevitably be what ruined it for him. 

You see, Alfred had never had the pleasure of being with another person before. He always bragged about doing it, when in reality he never had. And so during this one moment, Alfred let out the loudest moan of pleasure he could. The feeling of having someone else and not just a toy in him felt amazing. He rolled his hips a bit and Ivan couldn’t help but chuckle at his boyfriend’s reaction. But that’s when the issues started arising for Alfred. 

Ivan quickly flipped the American underneath him, and started to thrust. It wasn’t slow and steady first, it was hard and fast. Alfred felt an immediate pain in his body. He winced and looked up at Ivan, though he didn’t say anything. Ivan looked happy so what was the big deal? deal. Everything. How much pain Alfred was already in. The feeling of Ivan’s member pounding his walls was sending vibrations of hurt through his nervous system. Alfred tried to voice his discomfort but the moment he started to speak, Ivan covered up Alfred’s mouth with his big hand. 

Soon, tears started to fall. It was the only thing Alfred could do. He started to sob, and it was obvious Ivan didn’t like that, so he removed his hand and wrapped it around Alfred’s neck instead, squeezing tightly. Alfred couldn’t breath. He gasped for air, reached up with weak shaking hands to claw at Ivan’s grip, but nothing he tried seemed to succeed in helping him. Alfred didn’t feel at peace until he blacked out, slowly suffocating…

Alfred woke up alone. He didn’t know how long he had been knocked out for, but he was still wearing his shirt, and his boxers were gone. He slowly covered up his lower body with blankets, pulling his knees up to his chest. Alfred couldn’t stop shaking, and once again he started to cry. He reached over, hands trembling as he picked up his phone. _’It’s not dead…_ Alfred thought to himself, opening it up. He found his brother, Mathew, in his contacts and called him, putting the phone to his ear. It rang for a moment, but thankfully Mathew picked up. 

“Hey Al, what’s up?” He asked. His voice was soothing, and calm. Alfred wished he could be like that. He wanted to be calm and happy. His brother was, so why couldn’t he be? Alfred wanted nothing more than to respond full of sunshine and rainbows. He always responded that way. Bragging about something and smiling. But right now he couldn’t even muster up the courage to smile to mask his pain. “Hey.. is everything ok, you’re rather quiet over there, Al..” 

Alfred couldn’t help it any longer. He broke out in sobs, wiping his eyes. “Mattie.. god damn it please, please I need your help…” he choked out, wiping tears off of his face. “Please come and get me, I can’t.. everything hurts so bad I can hardly move…” Alfred could hear the heartbreak in his brother's voice as he told him to stay right where he was. Saying he was already on his way to the car. Alfred told him alright, and then hung up. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He was so afraid…

•·················•·················•

It took Alfred a whole day to be able to retell the tale of what happened to Mathew. He had spent the entire day yesterday crying and lying in the guest room bed. Of course it wasn’t the ideal thing to be telling your brother. Alfred told Mathew all about what happened. How he had contemplated saying no, but did it anyway. And how he was choked to the point he blacked out. He could hardly even walk how badly his pelvis was throbbing in pain. Mathew decided the best choice of action was to take Alfred to a hospital and get him checked out, then take him to the police station to file a report. Of course Mathew swore on his life to never tell a soul Alfred was there. He didn’t want to risk Ivan doing that again.

The thing is, Alfred hates hospitals. They scare him. So sitting in the waiting room was horror enough. Though having Mathew there to comfort him was better than nothing, he supposed. When their time came, Alfred and Mathew went back into the doctor's office. The doctor poked and prodded, making sure to check every inch of body on Alfred. Mathew waited outside during more thorough parts of the exam. Then the doctor took an x-ray, just to be sure. He didn’t want to miss anything, and wanted to be sure that Alfred’s pelvis wasn’t broken. 

The x-rays showed no broken bones or things out of place. It was just some extremely sore muscles. It would heal on its own but Alfred had to promise to be careful with himself. Of course he did, knowing he would be getting plenty of rest staying with Mathew. Though he knew his brother had his fair share of gatherings for things. But mostly since he and one of his very good friend’s owned a bar together. And Alfred wasn’t exactly ready to meet anybody new. Especially another man. 

The next stop was the police station. It didn’t take long to file a report, and Alfred and Mathew could finally reside at home. Where it was quiet and safe. Mathew made some food, but Alfred, for the first time in his life, found it hard to eat. It was rough for Mathew to watch, and it made him feel so horrible for his nether. But there was nothing they could do. What’s done is done. What happened to Alfred was terrible and Mathew couldn’t imagine how that felt, but he needed to be there for Alfred either way. 

•·················•·················•

A week seemed to fly away before Alfred’s eyes. He was feeling a bit better, but he still refused to leave the house. He had spoken on the phone with his father a couple of times, who assured him everything would be just fine, and that Alfred hasn’t a thing to be worried about. He even offered to come down there and come stay with him. But Alfred disagreed with that. As much as he loved his father, he couldn’t stand to be near anybody else right then. 

But that didn’t stay for long. It was a lovely Sunday afternoon when there was a knock on the door. Alfred had contemplated going into the yard today but he hadn’t. Now he was curious who was visiting. Mathew seemed happy as he opened the door, and Alfred took a peek to try and see. It ended up being Mathew’s business associate. Though he had brought an unexpected guest along with him. 

Mathew invited the two of them in, and of course told Alfred things would be ok. He then had the two men sit down across from them. “Alfred, you remember Gilbert, right?” Alfred nodded and gave him a half wave. Gilbert rose a brow, since the last time he had seen Alfred the guy was full of energy. “And this is his brother, Ludwig.” Alfred shifted a bit in his seat from the icy eyes looking over at him, and shot an uncomfortable glance over to Mathew. Mathew noticed and stood up, smiling nervously. “We can discuss our business in the backyard! Come on!” He said, and waited for Gilbert and Ludwig to stand up and follow him. Alfred was left alone in the living room, though now he was even more afraid. What if he was seen through the windows? Oh god he couldn’t have that. So Alfred quickly stood up and went after the group, immediately latching into his brother’s hand as he got outside. There was a tall fence in the backyard, so it was hard for anybody to see over, even a six three Russian. Mathew took his privacy very seriously. 

In the yard they spoke. For almost three hours. Business this, new alcohol flavour that. Alfred listened, but his head was still in another place. He couldn’t help but stare at Ludwig. This was a man he had never met before. He was big and strong. He had a lot more muscle than Ivan had, and just thinking about it made Alfred reach up and rub his neck. 

Ludwig had noticed Alfred’s eyes on him. It made him feel like he had done something wrong. They had never even talked. What was the deal? So Ludwig looked over at Alfred with a brow raised, though the reaction he got was stunning. Alfred fell out of his chair and crawled back, covering his face. “Please don’t hurt me!” He wheezed out, his breathing heavy. Mathew got out of his seat and got down by his side, taking his hand and shaking his head. “It’s ok Alfred! Calm down! Ludwig won’t hurt you I swear!” He assured his brother. 

Ludwig took an interest in this. He had been a psychology major in college, and immediately knew what was going on. So he decided to take action in the situation. At the end of their “meeting” Ludwig pulled Mathew off to the side. “I’d like to give Alfred makeshift therapy.” He offered. Mathew took the offer with a grin and told Ludwig to come by whenever he felt like it. They made a schedule that Ludwig would come by every Friday and Monday to talk to Alfred about the incident. 

•·················•·················•

Every Monday and Friday. The past five months Ludwig had come by. And each day he made a little more progress on Alfred. In that time period, Alfred had been to court, and Ivan had been sent to jail for a very short amount of time for rape. Alfred found the American justice system to be bullshit sometimes. But he had been really connecting with Ludwig. It seemed as though he was starting to feel as though he could go and reconnect with society again. Alfred was still far from that though. But instead he was starting to feel a bit of a stronger feeling towards his new friend lately. Alfred never thought he would feel that way again, but he had. He got to know Ludwig more in the past five months than he had gotten to know Ivan in the past five years of them knowing each other. Oh how the years had passed since Alfred was sixteen and stupid. 

But there was something about Ludwig that screamed perfect. The way he was gentle in his words but stern and tough when he needed to be. But Alfred was afraid if he said anything about his feelings, Ludwig would be disgusted. But if he did feel the same way, Alfred was afraid he couldn’t bring anything with him but baggage into the bedroom. So he kept his mouth shut. 

A week later, Alfred didn’t need to hide his feelings anymore. Because Ludwig had gone for it first. During one of their talks he had taken Alfred’s hand, gently as to not hurt him, and told him how he had started to feel, and how he wasn’t going to say anything, but couldn’t bear keeping it a secret any longer. Alfred told him he felt the same way, and the two of them ended it with a very light hug. 

•·················•·················•

A month later and Alfred was in the same predicament as before. Only this time, he knew he wasn’t ready, and Ludwig knew that too. It was their first time in the same bed as each other. Only in their pajama pants and boxers, though Alfred kept a shirt on. They had been cuddling and Ludwig had been reading a book as Alfred dozed off. But Alfred had woken up to a small peck on the forehead, and looked up in time to see Ludwig set his book down to get ready to sleep. Alfred waited for him to turn back in his direction before locking eyes with him. 

Very slowly the two of them moved in for a kiss, and locked lips. But it was only for a second before Alfred pulled away. He frowned and then looked back to Ludwig. “I’m sorry.. if you want sex you can find someone else.. it just still hurts. I can feel the vibrations through my whole body whether I think of it..” 

Ludwig could see Alfred starting to get upset, so he shook his head. “Nein..” he whispered as he turned off the lamp by his side. “I’ve talked to you every Friday and every Monday about what happened to you for six months… I would never ask you to do that.. I want you to be completely ready before you even think I want to have sex with you…” Ludwig gently gave Alfred a kiss on the cheek and smiled. “Now.. let’s take this one step at a time.. PTSD doesn’t just disappear overnight…”


End file.
